Three hours ago at approximately 3:15am Bronce and I were startled out of our slumber when our house shuddered fiercely. It was a strange thing and it literally shook us awake, causing momentary panic. We hopped out of bed and ran around looking for the cause... was it a tree that fell? Somewhere in my half-consciousness I recalled that the heat turned off at the same moment and wondered if the furnace broke. In our sleepiness we wandered around the house looking for the cause and noticed some neighbors standing in the street between our houses - wrapped in their robes, getting drenched in the rain.
We ran outside and asked them "Did you feel that?" They said yes without turning to face us and pointed. In the near distance we could see a house burning.
Now, I've been in the strange circumstance of watching a neighbor's house burn down and it was a surreal thing. But this... THIS was something different entirely. The noise we heard was an explosion. And that house was not burning, it was engulfed. About half a mile away, sitting on top of a hill allowing for visibility, the house was pouring smoke and the fire was intense. I ran inside to call 911, thinking the whole time "Surely that fire's been burning for a while... someone has already called" - and after being on hold (yes, on hold!) for a second they confirmed they'd already received the call and help was on its way.
The most frightening part of this whole situation didn't occur to me until I got to bed later. As I was tossing and turning, fighting the images and the fear that wells up inside I began to hear the sirens come. And I realized - that house has not been burning for long - the flames and smoke we saw were fresh. As I write this I'm still not sure what happened, but the explosion started it.
The idea of my house exploding into that fury of heat and confusion gives me tremors. How do you walk away from that? I slept a fitful sleep, dreaming strange dreams about visiting the house and theorizing about what happened in that crazy way our brains work before dawn.
House fires are one of my all-time fears. But even when I dwell on that frightening situation I think the "what would I grab?" thoughts. Imagining I'd get my laptop, wedding album, Bible, and certainly my cat - surely I'd have enough time to get all those valuable things, right? But to think that this family may have been sleeping soundly - that there may have been children and babies resting their precious heads - and the house blew up. Just boom. My heart stops beating. My skin gets clammy. It makes me want to get in my car and fly to South Carolina to hold my niece. Grabbing those things precious to us has a new meaning.
[I just did a little reporting and found this article... Wow. Natural gas explosion blew the couple out of their bed and threw them in the street. Sheesh.]
http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2009/dec/09/120909webexplosion/
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Greetings from Tijuana!
I realized I never posted this! Darn! Here's the first half of my Tijuana post. I'm not sure if I even created the second half of this, so I'll post the first half and keep searching...
I just got home from the Mexico Reunion meeting... oh I've missed these kids! We talked some about how we view things differently here in the good ole U-S-of-A since returning from Tijuana, and it was an interesting time of reflection. I think overwhelmingly we were all amazed at how hard life is in Mexico, particularly in the area of Tijuana we visited. But talking about it and viewing a slideshow and video from our trip really made me want to put the trip into words. So, here I am. The much promised blog entry is being written. I'm not sure how long this will take, it feels like quite a work in progress. We'll see.
Sunday, July 12
We all arrived at the church Sunday evening to drop off our luggage, make sure it fit the guidelines in terms of weight, and cover some of the last details before our journey began. At this point the evening was a wash of names and faces, as I was still trying to figure out who everyone is! I led a Senior girls small group this year but wasn't very involved in the Sunday morning ministry to the HS students, so I signed up for the Mexico endeavor knowing very few people. It's strange to think back and realize there was a time I didn't know and love these kids...
Monday, July 13
We're off! After meeting at the church around 10am to gather everyone, we had a time of prayer and devotion before loading in the bus. The first leg of our trip was driving to Nashville, where we would board the first of two planes. On the van ride there, I sat in the back row with Timmy, Jacob, Grace, and Lynae. The girls and I played Phase 10 nearly the whole ride. :)
Through the entire travel time - from the moment we left Knoxville to the moment we arrived back in Knoxville 8 days later - we were divided into travel teams. Each leader was responsible for tracking their 5 or 6 kids everywhere we went - it was much easier than doing massive head counts. We also coordinated paying for meals in the airport through these smaller groups. At right is a photo of my travel team, (left to right) Gabe, Grace, Stephen (yes, he always makes that face... you'll see it as a recurring theme!), Lynae, me, and David.
We had a brief layover in Denver's extremely crowded airport and began the third leg of our journey with a flight into San Diego. We arrived late in the evening to a large welcoming party of friends (Fellowship interns and new friends from Mexico!) ready to help us get across the border. After retrieving our luggage (praise the Lord, none was missing!) we piled it in (and on!) the vans and headed... nope, not across the border just yet! First we had a very, very important stop to make...
In-N-Out Burger! Yep! After a 14-hour journey, there's nothing like a good, healthy dinner. Also, this was our last glimpse of American food before heading into Tijuana. Hey... does anyone know what happened to that goofy video of us singing the TJ song? Did Alex take it?
Anyway, after a FEAST of burgers and fries, we piled back in the vans to do the border crossing. It's interesting that as you cross into Mexico, even at 11pm, you get nary a glance from the border guards. (Coming back into the US is a very. different. experience.) If only they'd taken a closer look at our van... can you believe they let this group of trouble-makers in? :)
Once we arrived we tried to take in our surroundings, but it was so dark we could hardly figure out where we were. Instead... we gladly unpacked sheets, blankets, and pillows... and slept.
Tuesday, July 14
One of the perks of the 3-hour time difference is when we finally woke up around 8am it felt like we'd slept in till 11am. Breakfast was a feast of Mexican goodness... eggs, refried beans, homemade and delicious flour tortillas (man, I could go for one of those now...), and the yummiest and spiciest salsa your tastebuds have ever craved.
Because we were starting the VBS and haircutting ministries Wednesday, we spent today "advertising" our arrival. We drove over to La Colonia to let the locals know we were here! As we met the adults and children, we gave them bags of rice and beans that we'd put together earlier at Pastor Albert's church.
La Colonia is one of the most impoverished parts of Tijuana - and if you know anything about the poverty all over Tijuana, then you know that's really saying something. It's an old dump that has become a neighborhood, with houses clinging to the edges of the canyon walls as though they're hanging on for dear life. The area is full of people with great need and with great hearts. I think we were all shocked to see this blue house - one of the largest and nicest in the area - but there are two signs to notice... the one on the right says "my house and me we will serve the Lord" and the one at the left says "Thanks Teneese." That's enough to make me sit down and soak it in... While I sit here in my beautiful home and type this blog entry, these people are in Mexico and are grateful for what I've done. It's so humbling. And so nothing at the same time.
After we passed out all the food (which didn't take long - once they realized we had come, they came to find us!), we gathered at the Rehab center in the middle of La Colonia to play with the kids. Lots more of that would come in the next few days!
Back at the orphanage we hung out for the rest of the day, playing sports outside in the sun (like basketball... which I'm terrible at! No kidding, ask Lynae!). I could usually be found inside gathered with kids around a table and dealing cards. Someone called me the Poker Lady, though we never played poker. Just huge games of Revolution, Spoons, Rummy, and other games good for large groups.
After a great dinner at the orphanage and a wonderful worship time with the youth, we went on our first journey to Calimax. The youth's obsession with this Mexican grocery store is really something to behold. There's no way they'd get this excited about heading to Kroger or Food City, we're talking joy, elation, and some downright begging to go to this place. Now, I'll admit... it's pretty cool. And the pastry section is incredible! But still, they're pretty goofy about it. Then again, I was ready for a nice cold Fanta myself!
Wednesday, July 15
I got up early Wednesday... one of my leadership responsibilities was organizing the food for our daily ministry outings. Though I got TONS of help during the day to put it together, only a few of us left in the mornings before breakfast to go get the food. This morning it was ham sandwiches for 320 people. The assembly line to put this together was pretty crazy...
After breakfast, we packed up in the vans to leave. Below you'll see two pictures... the first is part of our group outside the orphanage - you can see how secure the place is - there's a huge orange gate at the right that closes over the entrance at night. The courtyard at the left is fenced and topped with barbed wire. Security is pretty serious in Tijuana, even in the nice part where we were staying (all things are relative, that's for sure!). The second picture shows just down the street to the right (you can still see the orange orphanage at the left). The fence at the end of the street is the actual US border! That's how we got cell reception at the orphanage! We could see into San Diego over that hill and could still snag their cell towers.
I ran the haircutting team, which was quite an endeavor. I was blessed by the numbers of our youth who wanted to be a part of that ministry and weren't at all freaked out by worries of lice and dirty hair. The first day was SO hot... we were in the sun all day without any shade cover, but they were champs! No complaints and they were ready to work the whole time.
We did about 100 washes and/or cuts that day, and had about 300 people total at the church that day. Aside from a few issues with water delivery it went so well!
David was really proud of his mohawk... I think it took like an hour, but it was an impressive haircut and the kid loved it!
After working in the sun all day, we returned to the orphanage to rest and clean up. That night we headed back to La Colonia to Pastor Albert's church for an evening service. It was a little more charismatic than we were accustomed to, but it was a wonderful experience. Our worship band performed a few songs, some of the girls did a dance Simi had choreographed with them in TN, and then we sang some Spanish songs led by the church's worship team. Adam did a wonderful job giving the sermon that evening, and it was great to see the interaction of our style and theirs.
On the way back we stopped at a roadside taco stand for the most amazing tacos I've ever had.
I just got home from the Mexico Reunion meeting... oh I've missed these kids! We talked some about how we view things differently here in the good ole U-S-of-A since returning from Tijuana, and it was an interesting time of reflection. I think overwhelmingly we were all amazed at how hard life is in Mexico, particularly in the area of Tijuana we visited. But talking about it and viewing a slideshow and video from our trip really made me want to put the trip into words. So, here I am. The much promised blog entry is being written. I'm not sure how long this will take, it feels like quite a work in progress. We'll see.
Sunday, July 12
We all arrived at the church Sunday evening to drop off our luggage, make sure it fit the guidelines in terms of weight, and cover some of the last details before our journey began. At this point the evening was a wash of names and faces, as I was still trying to figure out who everyone is! I led a Senior girls small group this year but wasn't very involved in the Sunday morning ministry to the HS students, so I signed up for the Mexico endeavor knowing very few people. It's strange to think back and realize there was a time I didn't know and love these kids...
Monday, July 13
We're off! After meeting at the church around 10am to gather everyone, we had a time of prayer and devotion before loading in the bus. The first leg of our trip was driving to Nashville, where we would board the first of two planes. On the van ride there, I sat in the back row with Timmy, Jacob, Grace, and Lynae. The girls and I played Phase 10 nearly the whole ride. :)
Through the entire travel time - from the moment we left Knoxville to the moment we arrived back in Knoxville 8 days later - we were divided into travel teams. Each leader was responsible for tracking their 5 or 6 kids everywhere we went - it was much easier than doing massive head counts. We also coordinated paying for meals in the airport through these smaller groups. At right is a photo of my travel team, (left to right) Gabe, Grace, Stephen (yes, he always makes that face... you'll see it as a recurring theme!), Lynae, me, and David.We had a brief layover in Denver's extremely crowded airport and began the third leg of our journey with a flight into San Diego. We arrived late in the evening to a large welcoming party of friends (Fellowship interns and new friends from Mexico!) ready to help us get across the border. After retrieving our luggage (praise the Lord, none was missing!) we piled it in (and on!) the vans and headed... nope, not across the border just yet! First we had a very, very important stop to make...
In-N-Out Burger! Yep! After a 14-hour journey, there's nothing like a good, healthy dinner. Also, this was our last glimpse of American food before heading into Tijuana. Hey... does anyone know what happened to that goofy video of us singing the TJ song? Did Alex take it?Anyway, after a FEAST of burgers and fries, we piled back in the vans to do the border crossing. It's interesting that as you cross into Mexico, even at 11pm, you get nary a glance from the border guards. (Coming back into the US is a very. different. experience.) If only they'd taken a closer look at our van... can you believe they let this group of trouble-makers in? :)
Once we arrived we tried to take in our surroundings, but it was so dark we could hardly figure out where we were. Instead... we gladly unpacked sheets, blankets, and pillows... and slept.
Tuesday, July 14
One of the perks of the 3-hour time difference is when we finally woke up around 8am it felt like we'd slept in till 11am. Breakfast was a feast of Mexican goodness... eggs, refried beans, homemade and delicious flour tortillas (man, I could go for one of those now...), and the yummiest and spiciest salsa your tastebuds have ever craved.
Because we were starting the VBS and haircutting ministries Wednesday, we spent today "advertising" our arrival. We drove over to La Colonia to let the locals know we were here! As we met the adults and children, we gave them bags of rice and beans that we'd put together earlier at Pastor Albert's church.La Colonia is one of the most impoverished parts of Tijuana - and if you know anything about the poverty all over Tijuana, then you know that's really saying something. It's an old dump that has become a neighborhood, with houses clinging to the edges of the canyon walls as though they're hanging on for dear life. The area is full of people with great need and with great hearts. I think we were all shocked to see this blue house - one of the largest and nicest in the area - but there are two signs to notice... the one on the right says "my house and me we will serve the Lord" and the one at the left says "Thanks Teneese." That's enough to make me sit down and soak it in... While I sit here in my beautiful home and type this blog entry, these people are in Mexico and are grateful for what I've done. It's so humbling. And so nothing at the same time.
After we passed out all the food (which didn't take long - once they realized we had come, they came to find us!), we gathered at the Rehab center in the middle of La Colonia to play with the kids. Lots more of that would come in the next few days!
Back at the orphanage we hung out for the rest of the day, playing sports outside in the sun (like basketball... which I'm terrible at! No kidding, ask Lynae!). I could usually be found inside gathered with kids around a table and dealing cards. Someone called me the Poker Lady, though we never played poker. Just huge games of Revolution, Spoons, Rummy, and other games good for large groups.After a great dinner at the orphanage and a wonderful worship time with the youth, we went on our first journey to Calimax. The youth's obsession with this Mexican grocery store is really something to behold. There's no way they'd get this excited about heading to Kroger or Food City, we're talking joy, elation, and some downright begging to go to this place. Now, I'll admit... it's pretty cool. And the pastry section is incredible! But still, they're pretty goofy about it. Then again, I was ready for a nice cold Fanta myself!
Wednesday, July 15
I got up early Wednesday... one of my leadership responsibilities was organizing the food for our daily ministry outings. Though I got TONS of help during the day to put it together, only a few of us left in the mornings before breakfast to go get the food. This morning it was ham sandwiches for 320 people. The assembly line to put this together was pretty crazy... After breakfast, we packed up in the vans to leave. Below you'll see two pictures... the first is part of our group outside the orphanage - you can see how secure the place is - there's a huge orange gate at the right that closes over the entrance at night. The courtyard at the left is fenced and topped with barbed wire. Security is pretty serious in Tijuana, even in the nice part where we were staying (all things are relative, that's for sure!). The second picture shows just down the street to the right (you can still see the orange orphanage at the left). The fence at the end of the street is the actual US border! That's how we got cell reception at the orphanage! We could see into San Diego over that hill and could still snag their cell towers.
I ran the haircutting team, which was quite an endeavor. I was blessed by the numbers of our youth who wanted to be a part of that ministry and weren't at all freaked out by worries of lice and dirty hair. The first day was SO hot... we were in the sun all day without any shade cover, but they were champs! No complaints and they were ready to work the whole time.
We did about 100 washes and/or cuts that day, and had about 300 people total at the church that day. Aside from a few issues with water delivery it went so well!
David was really proud of his mohawk... I think it took like an hour, but it was an impressive haircut and the kid loved it!
After working in the sun all day, we returned to the orphanage to rest and clean up. That night we headed back to La Colonia to Pastor Albert's church for an evening service. It was a little more charismatic than we were accustomed to, but it was a wonderful experience. Our worship band performed a few songs, some of the girls did a dance Simi had choreographed with them in TN, and then we sang some Spanish songs led by the church's worship team. Adam did a wonderful job giving the sermon that evening, and it was great to see the interaction of our style and theirs.
On the way back we stopped at a roadside taco stand for the most amazing tacos I've ever had.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Seek His Face
"Seek the Lord and His strength;
Seek His face continually."
1 Chronicles 16:11
Friday a student blurted out an incredibly rude comment to me and I had to send him into the hallway till I could step out and deal with it. When I had a moment - and the sanity - to confront him, it was a bizarre discussion. I stood facing him and he continued to contort his body so he didn't have to look me in the face as we discussed his behavior - a response that did not escape my notice. After a few minutes of trying to line myself up in his eyesight and watching him fidget away and set his focus on the wall across the way, I confronted him on not making eye contact. He sheepishly allowed his eyes to meet mine for a few seconds and promptly looked away again.
In the past few weeks I feel there have been a few common themes in the various scriptures I've been reading, but one concept seems to be rising above some others. Just as this student only reluctantly made eye contact with me, I feel convicted that his attitude strongly reflects my posture before the Lord. Over and over in the Word I've read three simple words: "Seek His Face." But what does that really mean?
I confess I was hoping there would be some deeper meaning and that an intense word study would reveal a mystery about our response to His goodness. But no. The specific words mean this... Seek ("to seek, search consult") His Face ("face"). Yeah, my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance didn't really blow that one wide open for me. Actually, I laughed when I saw those definitions. I think I was hoping it meant something different since it's so plain - and it's the simplicity of the command I find so challenging.
We live in a world where "facetime" is a luxury. Or, in some cases, is just plain awkward. Facebook, twitter, texts... we're surrounded by ways to avoid not only people's voices, but their very faces. Communication has become two-dimensional and void of personality. In an attempt to make our world more accessible, we've managed to dehumanize ourselves. Even in the toughest of times we rarely seek the face-to-face contact of another loved one, but rather satisfy ourselves with empty platitudes zipped along the world wide web or a 3g network.
There have been a few stages in my life where I've moved a significant distance, removing me from convenient face-to-face relationship. As a result, some of my closest friends live anywhere from 2 to 7 hours away from me, making that face-time a true delight. Moving from Birmingham to Knoxville at age 16 was a shock, and my friends and I wrote letters (yes, actual letters! I've saved some!) to keep in touch since long-distance phone calls were so expensive. Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about, but this was before cell phones and the wide-spread use of internet. (Yes, there was such a time.)
Handwriting has always been something that I've deeply treasured. There's nothing like getting a hand-addressed envelope in the mail and recognizing the script that has lovingly inked my name. My oldest and dearest friend Robin used to send me letters a lot. She still does; it's one of the precious ways we communicate. And seeing her handwriting (which has hardly changed over the last two decades!) brings an immediate thrill of the intimacy of our life-long friendship.
The Bible is God's letter to us. In this impersonal world where we can access His Word on the internet and perform word searches and cross-comparisons, there's still something special about hearing the pages crinkle as I thumb through the NASB Bible I've used for study since 1998. When I see the text I can immediately recognize it as my Bible and the place I receive the Lord's testimony on a frequent, if not daily, basis. So why is it that if Robin writes me a letter and says "I'd like to see you" I'll make the arrangements to jump in my car as soon as time allows, but when the Lord says "Seek my face" I'm so reluctant to do just that?
Yet God's word stays the same. He continues to call us to deeper intimacy. Just like my student refusing to look me in the eye to discuss his behavior, he also lost the opportunity to hear me tell him that I genuinely care about his education - I want him to learn and pay attention for his own good. Yes, sometimes God needs us to seek His face so he can make a correction to our path. But other times He wants us to make "eye"-contact with Him because it's a place of connection and deeper relationship. Just like my husband and I can spend time together working on a task, running errands, or watching TV... these things are meaningless without the added intimacy of conversation allowing us to speak face-to-face.
Clearly looking into God's "face" is a figurative thing. I'm not suggesting there is a way for us to note His eye color or the proportions of His features, but there is a way for us to sit quietly and contemplate Him. How often do I "spend time with Him" while driving down the interstate and calling out some requests? Just like that would never increase the depth an intimacy of my relationship with Bronce, it doesn't work with God either. Just stop. Listen. Respond. Let your spirit be filled.
Psalm 37:7 begins "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him" - and the "rest" in that verse isn't the kind of rest that means "take a break, relax" but rather the kinds that means "Stop. Just stop." How often do I just STOP and wait for the Lord? Stop what you're doing. Stop the action and distraction. Seek Him. Quit shoving requests before Him as though He's a vending machine of happy stuff. I'm not saying He doesn't care, just that He'd like more of you than your solicitations.
What does it mean to "Seek His Face"? I think it's different for each of us. But I challenge you to take the time to do it. Can you sit quietly before the Lord for 10 minutes? Fifteen? Twenty? Our lives are busy, but if we eagerly desire this time with Him, He'll help us find the minutes. See what happens...
Seek His face continually."
1 Chronicles 16:11
Friday a student blurted out an incredibly rude comment to me and I had to send him into the hallway till I could step out and deal with it. When I had a moment - and the sanity - to confront him, it was a bizarre discussion. I stood facing him and he continued to contort his body so he didn't have to look me in the face as we discussed his behavior - a response that did not escape my notice. After a few minutes of trying to line myself up in his eyesight and watching him fidget away and set his focus on the wall across the way, I confronted him on not making eye contact. He sheepishly allowed his eyes to meet mine for a few seconds and promptly looked away again.
In the past few weeks I feel there have been a few common themes in the various scriptures I've been reading, but one concept seems to be rising above some others. Just as this student only reluctantly made eye contact with me, I feel convicted that his attitude strongly reflects my posture before the Lord. Over and over in the Word I've read three simple words: "Seek His Face." But what does that really mean?
I confess I was hoping there would be some deeper meaning and that an intense word study would reveal a mystery about our response to His goodness. But no. The specific words mean this... Seek ("to seek, search consult") His Face ("face"). Yeah, my Strong's Exhaustive Concordance didn't really blow that one wide open for me. Actually, I laughed when I saw those definitions. I think I was hoping it meant something different since it's so plain - and it's the simplicity of the command I find so challenging.
We live in a world where "facetime" is a luxury. Or, in some cases, is just plain awkward. Facebook, twitter, texts... we're surrounded by ways to avoid not only people's voices, but their very faces. Communication has become two-dimensional and void of personality. In an attempt to make our world more accessible, we've managed to dehumanize ourselves. Even in the toughest of times we rarely seek the face-to-face contact of another loved one, but rather satisfy ourselves with empty platitudes zipped along the world wide web or a 3g network.
There have been a few stages in my life where I've moved a significant distance, removing me from convenient face-to-face relationship. As a result, some of my closest friends live anywhere from 2 to 7 hours away from me, making that face-time a true delight. Moving from Birmingham to Knoxville at age 16 was a shock, and my friends and I wrote letters (yes, actual letters! I've saved some!) to keep in touch since long-distance phone calls were so expensive. Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about, but this was before cell phones and the wide-spread use of internet. (Yes, there was such a time.)
Handwriting has always been something that I've deeply treasured. There's nothing like getting a hand-addressed envelope in the mail and recognizing the script that has lovingly inked my name. My oldest and dearest friend Robin used to send me letters a lot. She still does; it's one of the precious ways we communicate. And seeing her handwriting (which has hardly changed over the last two decades!) brings an immediate thrill of the intimacy of our life-long friendship.
The Bible is God's letter to us. In this impersonal world where we can access His Word on the internet and perform word searches and cross-comparisons, there's still something special about hearing the pages crinkle as I thumb through the NASB Bible I've used for study since 1998. When I see the text I can immediately recognize it as my Bible and the place I receive the Lord's testimony on a frequent, if not daily, basis. So why is it that if Robin writes me a letter and says "I'd like to see you" I'll make the arrangements to jump in my car as soon as time allows, but when the Lord says "Seek my face" I'm so reluctant to do just that?
Yet God's word stays the same. He continues to call us to deeper intimacy. Just like my student refusing to look me in the eye to discuss his behavior, he also lost the opportunity to hear me tell him that I genuinely care about his education - I want him to learn and pay attention for his own good. Yes, sometimes God needs us to seek His face so he can make a correction to our path. But other times He wants us to make "eye"-contact with Him because it's a place of connection and deeper relationship. Just like my husband and I can spend time together working on a task, running errands, or watching TV... these things are meaningless without the added intimacy of conversation allowing us to speak face-to-face.
Clearly looking into God's "face" is a figurative thing. I'm not suggesting there is a way for us to note His eye color or the proportions of His features, but there is a way for us to sit quietly and contemplate Him. How often do I "spend time with Him" while driving down the interstate and calling out some requests? Just like that would never increase the depth an intimacy of my relationship with Bronce, it doesn't work with God either. Just stop. Listen. Respond. Let your spirit be filled.
Psalm 37:7 begins "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him" - and the "rest" in that verse isn't the kind of rest that means "take a break, relax" but rather the kinds that means "Stop. Just stop." How often do I just STOP and wait for the Lord? Stop what you're doing. Stop the action and distraction. Seek Him. Quit shoving requests before Him as though He's a vending machine of happy stuff. I'm not saying He doesn't care, just that He'd like more of you than your solicitations.
What does it mean to "Seek His Face"? I think it's different for each of us. But I challenge you to take the time to do it. Can you sit quietly before the Lord for 10 minutes? Fifteen? Twenty? Our lives are busy, but if we eagerly desire this time with Him, He'll help us find the minutes. See what happens...
Friday, September 11, 2009
I Told You So.
I've really been struggling with the concept of "rightness" lately. With so much controversy in our country, from issues at in our homes, to disagreements in our churches and denominations, and magnified by the struggles we're facing politically, it seems that our country at large is taking sides on a myriad of issues - and we all think we're "right."
I want to be right. Me. Personally. This chick over here. This comes as no surprise to many of you, particularly my patient husband. I'm defensive, argumentative, and opinionated. I cling to certain subjects as though they are lifelines and I can argue every side of these issues for hours. And I do. Given that honesty, I don't think I'm alone in that. I mean, how many of you who are reading this can identify with that. (Honestly, there's some comfort from knowing I'm not the only one, so let's at least pretend you can relate!)
It's an issue that permeates me at many levels. I feel that it's a responsibility for us to know the truth and be able to defend it. But truly, it's more that I've been defending my own opinions. 2 Corinthians 12:19 says "All this time you have been thinking that we are defending ourselves to you. Actually, it is in the sight of God that we have been speaking in Christ; and all for your upbuilding, beloved." That verse presents such a challenge to me. Having an opinion is good! (Conversely, that doesn't mean that all opinions are good.) Defending that opinion is good! But if I can't couch that stance in the gospel, it's worthless.
We live in a world where rational thinking is not always appreciated. For example, I believe that if I have a grown man standing in a field next to a tree, and I had to choose life for one and death for the other... the seemingly obvious choice would be to save the man and kill the tree (assuming I had to decide). Yet in this convoluted world we find that's not always the "rational" or "politically correct" choice. We are pouring millions and billions (and trillions!) of dollars into global warming... yet there are people living in 3rd world countries whose lives can be transformed with just a few dollars. Why have we focused our efforts on saving trees and not on saving people? And, lest you assume I'm willing to trash this world because my focus is so firmly planted on the next one, that's not true. I believe as Christians we have a responsibility to take care of the creation the Lord has given us... I just don't think we should make it an object of worship. And, for that matter, it's not just global warming. There is a host of causes out there that have successfully distracted us from Christ. Environmentalism, AIDS awareness, healthcare reform... these are all noble causes with good purpose that can easily distract us from true purpose.
We have made idols of all these causes. We push forward as though God needs our help with these issues, taking them upon ourselves as though we are the world's saviors. When, in fact, we need our Savior to rescue us from our distraction. "When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off, a mere breath will blow them away. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." (Isaiah 57:13) These idols are but dust in the wind. Generations before us had purposeful causes, and the generations after us will also find something to focus on outside the love of Christ. It's one of many distraction techniques successfully employed by the evil one. Quite well, I think.
"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised." (Romans 1:25) Misplaced praise and attention leads to a frightening lifestyle. Grab your Bible and keep reading that chapter of Romans for proof of that. We should stop trying to validate our sinful lives and behavior, and instead be overcome with the changing power of the gospel. I'm overwhelmed with this concept. My life must be about CHRIST. And if my life is about Christ, I will be obsessed with the things that bring Him glory.
I have a sweet friend who is struggling with living out her faith in her high school, and to me those challenges are the ones the Lord stands up and applauds. I find it hard to believe that He's getting any glory from activists who chain themselves to a tree in an effort to save it. How about those amazing people in my life who feel called to figuratively chain themselves to another woman or man who desperately needs the saving grace of Christ? That is the kind of activism that I believe brings the Lord to His feet.
"Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it?
Or an image that teaches lies?
For he who makes it trusts in his own creation;
He makes idols that cannot speak.
Woe to him who says to wood, 'Come to life!'
Or to lifeless stone, 'Wake up!'
Can it give guidance?
It is covered with gold and silver;
there is no breath in it.
But the LORD is in his holy temple;
let all the earth be silent before him."
Habbakuk 2: 18-19
Lord, let me not strive to be right, but to be loving. Let my concern for my fellow man exceed my love for your creation. Let my actions and my words speak praises to your Name.
I want to be right. Me. Personally. This chick over here. This comes as no surprise to many of you, particularly my patient husband. I'm defensive, argumentative, and opinionated. I cling to certain subjects as though they are lifelines and I can argue every side of these issues for hours. And I do. Given that honesty, I don't think I'm alone in that. I mean, how many of you who are reading this can identify with that. (Honestly, there's some comfort from knowing I'm not the only one, so let's at least pretend you can relate!)
It's an issue that permeates me at many levels. I feel that it's a responsibility for us to know the truth and be able to defend it. But truly, it's more that I've been defending my own opinions. 2 Corinthians 12:19 says "All this time you have been thinking that we are defending ourselves to you. Actually, it is in the sight of God that we have been speaking in Christ; and all for your upbuilding, beloved." That verse presents such a challenge to me. Having an opinion is good! (Conversely, that doesn't mean that all opinions are good.) Defending that opinion is good! But if I can't couch that stance in the gospel, it's worthless.
We live in a world where rational thinking is not always appreciated. For example, I believe that if I have a grown man standing in a field next to a tree, and I had to choose life for one and death for the other... the seemingly obvious choice would be to save the man and kill the tree (assuming I had to decide). Yet in this convoluted world we find that's not always the "rational" or "politically correct" choice. We are pouring millions and billions (and trillions!) of dollars into global warming... yet there are people living in 3rd world countries whose lives can be transformed with just a few dollars. Why have we focused our efforts on saving trees and not on saving people? And, lest you assume I'm willing to trash this world because my focus is so firmly planted on the next one, that's not true. I believe as Christians we have a responsibility to take care of the creation the Lord has given us... I just don't think we should make it an object of worship. And, for that matter, it's not just global warming. There is a host of causes out there that have successfully distracted us from Christ. Environmentalism, AIDS awareness, healthcare reform... these are all noble causes with good purpose that can easily distract us from true purpose.
We have made idols of all these causes. We push forward as though God needs our help with these issues, taking them upon ourselves as though we are the world's saviors. When, in fact, we need our Savior to rescue us from our distraction. "When you cry out for help, let your collection of idols save you! The wind will carry all of them off, a mere breath will blow them away. But the man who makes me his refuge will inherit the land and possess my holy mountain." (Isaiah 57:13) These idols are but dust in the wind. Generations before us had purposeful causes, and the generations after us will also find something to focus on outside the love of Christ. It's one of many distraction techniques successfully employed by the evil one. Quite well, I think.
"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised." (Romans 1:25) Misplaced praise and attention leads to a frightening lifestyle. Grab your Bible and keep reading that chapter of Romans for proof of that. We should stop trying to validate our sinful lives and behavior, and instead be overcome with the changing power of the gospel. I'm overwhelmed with this concept. My life must be about CHRIST. And if my life is about Christ, I will be obsessed with the things that bring Him glory.
I have a sweet friend who is struggling with living out her faith in her high school, and to me those challenges are the ones the Lord stands up and applauds. I find it hard to believe that He's getting any glory from activists who chain themselves to a tree in an effort to save it. How about those amazing people in my life who feel called to figuratively chain themselves to another woman or man who desperately needs the saving grace of Christ? That is the kind of activism that I believe brings the Lord to His feet.
"Of what value is an idol, since a man has carved it?
Or an image that teaches lies?
For he who makes it trusts in his own creation;
He makes idols that cannot speak.
Woe to him who says to wood, 'Come to life!'
Or to lifeless stone, 'Wake up!'
Can it give guidance?
It is covered with gold and silver;
there is no breath in it.
But the LORD is in his holy temple;
let all the earth be silent before him."
Habbakuk 2: 18-19
Lord, let me not strive to be right, but to be loving. Let my concern for my fellow man exceed my love for your creation. Let my actions and my words speak praises to your Name.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Who said that?
Tijuana memories... Remember this?
the Modesty song
Dirty Cheater - or was it Dirty Cheetah?
Poop Baby
Como Se Dice NOOO?!
Cha-chas and Ta-tas
I stepped in poop!
Deflated air mattresses and water from heaven!
Courtesy flush
But it's chunky!
Crochet bra
Do you have any toilet paper?
Your baby is my daddy!
Why is she cleaning the bathroom at midnight?
Creeper!
?No comprende?
Eleanor and her 4 Spanish words (Hola!)
Can we join Kyle's travel team?
Banana & No Banana
The Diez Y Ocho game
Passing out sweaters
You can have a coke.
the Modesty song
Dirty Cheater - or was it Dirty Cheetah?
Poop Baby
Como Se Dice NOOO?!
Cha-chas and Ta-tas
I stepped in poop!
Deflated air mattresses and water from heaven!
Courtesy flush
But it's chunky!
Crochet bra
Do you have any toilet paper?
Your baby is my daddy!
Why is she cleaning the bathroom at midnight?
Creeper!
?No comprende?
Eleanor and her 4 Spanish words (Hola!)
Can we join Kyle's travel team?
Banana & No Banana
The Diez Y Ocho game
Passing out sweaters
You can have a coke.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Laminin
This video is about 8 minutes, but worth every second.
Ever heard of the protein molecule Laminin? What does it have to do with Christ?
"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17
Ever heard of the protein molecule Laminin? What does it have to do with Christ?
"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Wait Upon The Lord
Alright, girls. If you're walking through the book of Esther with me this summer in Bible Study, I confess that I'm about to completely ruin the ending of the Session 5 video. I'm sorry! But I just finished it and it brought me to tears and cries of joy. I can't hold back! In fact, I didn't even hit "stop" on my DVD player, I just walked out of the den with my workbook and Bible and came straight to the computer to journal while it is fresh.
So Beth's been teaching (in the Beth Moore study in Esther, for those of you who don't know what I'm studying) this week on the importance of timing. And she closes the session with the verse Isaiah 40:31. Here's the New American Standard Version...
It's that "Wait upon the Lord" part that's so stinking incredible to me. To paraphrase what Beth said, she made the exasperated statement "What's more exhausting than waiting?!" Oh, how I know that! I've been waiting on finding a job, getting an interview, going to the interview (how stressful is the day of the interview? Those hours before are just excruciating!), waiting to hear back from the interview... did I get the job? (that's the place I'm at right now!). It's all so exhausting.
Bronce gets home from work in the evening and he'll ask me what I've done all day and I don't quite know how to tell him that the WAITING has been so hard! It's making me tired! Like, seriously, mid-way through the day I'm just so TIRED and need a nap or something! This morning I woke up at 9:30. Now, part of that is just laziness, but it's certainly even weirder when you consider I was in bed by 11pm last night. I'm just so tired from the waiting!
You know, I have friends in so many different "places" figuratively right now. I have friends who are pregnant and waiting on baby-related stuff... like finding out the sex of the baby or waiting for the kid to just get BORN already! I also have friends who are desperately trying to get pregnant and waiting monthly to find out if they've had success. I have other friends who are waiting for different test results and things to come back. I have friends who are waiting to be married - who are either in relationships or not, but just hanging on for the day that will happen for them. So I feel like in many ways I'm surrounded by others who are also waiting for something to happen.
So when I read a verse like Isaiah 40:31 and it talks about waiting... and having STRENGTH, I want to look around and see who those people are who feel strong. Because I sure don't! I'm tired! And most of these friends who are waiting would certainly be able to say "I'm tired of waiting for..." or that they're also just physically exhausted from the wait. But how does that sync with the verse that says we'll actually build up our strength?
The more we wait, the weaker we feel. But here's why, girls! When we're waiting on the THING, we'll be exhausted. Look back at the verse... it says "When we wait on the LORD" we will have strength! That's the difference!
Right now I'm waiting to hear back about a job interview from Monday - my DREAM job teaching Math in one of the best high schools in the whole blasted county. And I can sit around, waiting to hear back about the THING - the job. Or I can rest, trusting on the LORD and knowing that if it's not this, it will be something else!
Another point from the video that gives me encouragement is that "God is never inactive." Meaning, when He calls on us to wait, there's a flurry of activity going on in Heaven. The longer He waits, the more He's working! Yes, Lord, may it be so!
Habakkuk 2:3 says (in the NIV) "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." (italics mine)
And that last part, that crucial ending of the verse, when read in The Message, says "If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time." How cool is that! "It will come right on time." I love that! I think I want that tattooed on my forehead... or maybe on my hand so I can see it easier. But still, how awesome is that verse?
So what am I really waiting on? It's a hard thing, but I really want to trust and lean on the Lord right now and know that HE is working something out. Otherwise, if I don't get the job this week, I'll be devastated and even MORE exhausted. But if I'm waiting on the Lord, then bad news won't tear out the ground underneath me, but I'll have spent those days living out the rest of Isaiah 40:31... I'll "gain new strength" and "run and not get tired" and "not become weary."
Praise you, Lord, for this encouragement right when I need it! Let me trust in You, let me wait for YOU, let me know that You are in control and You have the best plans laid. Let me trust that You and Your angels are working out something mighty in the heavens, and let me trust that if this job doesn't go as I want it to, it's only because You've got something better in store.
As I posted on my Facebook recently, if I only trust God when life is easy, I am living in conditional faith. Do I trust Him when life is hard and I'm faced with something fearful? "Perfect love casts out fear" 1 John 4:18 - Thanks be to God!
So Beth's been teaching (in the Beth Moore study in Esther, for those of you who don't know what I'm studying) this week on the importance of timing. And she closes the session with the verse Isaiah 40:31. Here's the New American Standard Version...
Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will (B)mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
It's that "Wait upon the Lord" part that's so stinking incredible to me. To paraphrase what Beth said, she made the exasperated statement "What's more exhausting than waiting?!" Oh, how I know that! I've been waiting on finding a job, getting an interview, going to the interview (how stressful is the day of the interview? Those hours before are just excruciating!), waiting to hear back from the interview... did I get the job? (that's the place I'm at right now!). It's all so exhausting.
Bronce gets home from work in the evening and he'll ask me what I've done all day and I don't quite know how to tell him that the WAITING has been so hard! It's making me tired! Like, seriously, mid-way through the day I'm just so TIRED and need a nap or something! This morning I woke up at 9:30. Now, part of that is just laziness, but it's certainly even weirder when you consider I was in bed by 11pm last night. I'm just so tired from the waiting!
You know, I have friends in so many different "places" figuratively right now. I have friends who are pregnant and waiting on baby-related stuff... like finding out the sex of the baby or waiting for the kid to just get BORN already! I also have friends who are desperately trying to get pregnant and waiting monthly to find out if they've had success. I have other friends who are waiting for different test results and things to come back. I have friends who are waiting to be married - who are either in relationships or not, but just hanging on for the day that will happen for them. So I feel like in many ways I'm surrounded by others who are also waiting for something to happen.
So when I read a verse like Isaiah 40:31 and it talks about waiting... and having STRENGTH, I want to look around and see who those people are who feel strong. Because I sure don't! I'm tired! And most of these friends who are waiting would certainly be able to say "I'm tired of waiting for..." or that they're also just physically exhausted from the wait. But how does that sync with the verse that says we'll actually build up our strength?
The more we wait, the weaker we feel. But here's why, girls! When we're waiting on the THING, we'll be exhausted. Look back at the verse... it says "When we wait on the LORD" we will have strength! That's the difference!
Right now I'm waiting to hear back about a job interview from Monday - my DREAM job teaching Math in one of the best high schools in the whole blasted county. And I can sit around, waiting to hear back about the THING - the job. Or I can rest, trusting on the LORD and knowing that if it's not this, it will be something else!
Another point from the video that gives me encouragement is that "God is never inactive." Meaning, when He calls on us to wait, there's a flurry of activity going on in Heaven. The longer He waits, the more He's working! Yes, Lord, may it be so!
Habakkuk 2:3 says (in the NIV) "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." (italics mine)
And that last part, that crucial ending of the verse, when read in The Message, says "If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time." How cool is that! "It will come right on time." I love that! I think I want that tattooed on my forehead... or maybe on my hand so I can see it easier. But still, how awesome is that verse?
So what am I really waiting on? It's a hard thing, but I really want to trust and lean on the Lord right now and know that HE is working something out. Otherwise, if I don't get the job this week, I'll be devastated and even MORE exhausted. But if I'm waiting on the Lord, then bad news won't tear out the ground underneath me, but I'll have spent those days living out the rest of Isaiah 40:31... I'll "gain new strength" and "run and not get tired" and "not become weary."
Praise you, Lord, for this encouragement right when I need it! Let me trust in You, let me wait for YOU, let me know that You are in control and You have the best plans laid. Let me trust that You and Your angels are working out something mighty in the heavens, and let me trust that if this job doesn't go as I want it to, it's only because You've got something better in store.
As I posted on my Facebook recently, if I only trust God when life is easy, I am living in conditional faith. Do I trust Him when life is hard and I'm faced with something fearful? "Perfect love casts out fear" 1 John 4:18 - Thanks be to God!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Prayer and Worry
This morning God gave me a glimpse of His purpose, a dose of His humility, and a reason to pray. Allow me to share this with you.
It all starts with my job stuff. As you know if you've followed my blog, I've felt the Lord pushing me down the path of teaching. However, getting my certification is a near impossibility right now. Long story as to why, but there are some subject-matter tests that are required for secondary education certification and I just can’t jump back into calculus-level math right now without doing some serious preparation. And even then, I’m not sure if it would make sense enough for me to pass the test. I've begun applying for some Pharma stuff in the meantime - it could be a few years before I'm able to figure out the teaching thing, and I'm awfully good at sales! Anyway, I'm so confused and I feel very much at a crossroads.
I have the privilege this summer of facilitating Beth Moore's "Esther" Bible study at my church. This morning I spent a loooong amount of time studying and felt God slamming me in the face with a two-by-four... if He wants me to be a teacher, I’ll be a teacher, dang it! And I hear that, but I’m also so fearful. Although God is taking care of our household, Bronce and I have been frustrated with our financial situation lately. It's the "not knowing" - I think we're hitting the point of "fear." I know that’s straight from Satan to get me to take a job that’s not right for me… and I just don’t know what to do. God's timeline is not clear to me - teach NOW? (where? how?) or get another job and teach later? I’m praying but I’m also worried. And I know "Prayer" and "Worry" aren’t supposed to go together.
As I began reflecting on the word "worry," God started speaking some answers into my heart. I just wrote a lengthy card to a girl - sort of a friend-of-a-friend, noone I know very well. To preserve her anonymity, I'll just say that she's pregnant and found out the baby has some significant problems. It can’t live outside the womb and will probably not live long in utero either. Yet she’s gone against her doctor’s suggestion and refuses to terminate, trusting the Lord to do what is His will. WOW. I mean, seriously… WOW. I cannot even imagine being in that situation. So since I heard about her situation last week, God’s been LAYING her on my heart. I mean, the kind of “laying on my heart” where it’s pressing in, elbows and feet, and I can’t breathe when I think about what she’s going through.
So today I sat down to write her a card. It’s not much, I know that, but it’s all I know to do. And I’m praying over scripture to give her and God sends me to Matthew 6 – the part about Him taking care of the sparrows. So I’m sitting here, writing this card, meditating over that scripture, and trying to imagine what it would be like to have such a huge and pressing problem – something that must drive her to her knees dozens of times a day – and reading the part of Matthew where it says God cares enough to clothe the grass of the field, yet she’s dealing with this unbearable weight. I can't even begin to fathom understanding God's tender care while balancing it with a crisis of that magnitude, yet we're told just that.
Fast forward… the card is sealed and I’m sitting at my desk thinking of my own problems. WHAT?! How can I even call my issues “problems” when I know someone dealing with an issue like that? God has such a profound way of humbling us at the height of our personal pride. I read this in my lesson on Esther this morning:
Now, me being without a job and unsure of my future is surely more than an “annoyance.” But compared to the unimaginable difficulties around me, it’s hardly an “agony.” So in the course of the last two hours, God has turned my wailing into humility. I can have faith that He is doing something amazing with me. I have no idea what it is! But between the two paths I’ve witnessed today, I’ll gladly choose this one. And I won’t stop praying for my friend, because that’s a pain that requires us to petition the gates of heaven on another's behalf.
It all starts with my job stuff. As you know if you've followed my blog, I've felt the Lord pushing me down the path of teaching. However, getting my certification is a near impossibility right now. Long story as to why, but there are some subject-matter tests that are required for secondary education certification and I just can’t jump back into calculus-level math right now without doing some serious preparation. And even then, I’m not sure if it would make sense enough for me to pass the test. I've begun applying for some Pharma stuff in the meantime - it could be a few years before I'm able to figure out the teaching thing, and I'm awfully good at sales! Anyway, I'm so confused and I feel very much at a crossroads.
I have the privilege this summer of facilitating Beth Moore's "Esther" Bible study at my church. This morning I spent a loooong amount of time studying and felt God slamming me in the face with a two-by-four... if He wants me to be a teacher, I’ll be a teacher, dang it! And I hear that, but I’m also so fearful. Although God is taking care of our household, Bronce and I have been frustrated with our financial situation lately. It's the "not knowing" - I think we're hitting the point of "fear." I know that’s straight from Satan to get me to take a job that’s not right for me… and I just don’t know what to do. God's timeline is not clear to me - teach NOW? (where? how?) or get another job and teach later? I’m praying but I’m also worried. And I know "Prayer" and "Worry" aren’t supposed to go together.
As I began reflecting on the word "worry," God started speaking some answers into my heart. I just wrote a lengthy card to a girl - sort of a friend-of-a-friend, noone I know very well. To preserve her anonymity, I'll just say that she's pregnant and found out the baby has some significant problems. It can’t live outside the womb and will probably not live long in utero either. Yet she’s gone against her doctor’s suggestion and refuses to terminate, trusting the Lord to do what is His will. WOW. I mean, seriously… WOW. I cannot even imagine being in that situation. So since I heard about her situation last week, God’s been LAYING her on my heart. I mean, the kind of “laying on my heart” where it’s pressing in, elbows and feet, and I can’t breathe when I think about what she’s going through.
So today I sat down to write her a card. It’s not much, I know that, but it’s all I know to do. And I’m praying over scripture to give her and God sends me to Matthew 6 – the part about Him taking care of the sparrows. So I’m sitting here, writing this card, meditating over that scripture, and trying to imagine what it would be like to have such a huge and pressing problem – something that must drive her to her knees dozens of times a day – and reading the part of Matthew where it says God cares enough to clothe the grass of the field, yet she’s dealing with this unbearable weight. I can't even begin to fathom understanding God's tender care while balancing it with a crisis of that magnitude, yet we're told just that.
"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!...So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:26-30, 34
Fast forward… the card is sealed and I’m sitting at my desk thinking of my own problems. WHAT?! How can I even call my issues “problems” when I know someone dealing with an issue like that? God has such a profound way of humbling us at the height of our personal pride. I read this in my lesson on Esther this morning:
“We tend to detach from sights and situations that make us feel badly about ourselves – especially when we feel powerless… Here’s the trap, however: If we distance ourselves long enough from real needs, we replace them with those that aren’t… The more detached and self-absorbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies. It happens to all of us.” (p.92)
Now, me being without a job and unsure of my future is surely more than an “annoyance.” But compared to the unimaginable difficulties around me, it’s hardly an “agony.” So in the course of the last two hours, God has turned my wailing into humility. I can have faith that He is doing something amazing with me. I have no idea what it is! But between the two paths I’ve witnessed today, I’ll gladly choose this one. And I won’t stop praying for my friend, because that’s a pain that requires us to petition the gates of heaven on another's behalf.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Things I Don't Need... Thanks.
Losing your job is such a weird place to be. And right now, it's not a terribly unique place to be. After all, those of us who have been laid off are counted by the thousands and reported on the evening news daily. Every one of you has been touched by the unemployment crisis this year, either having been laid off yourselves, knowing a close friend or family member who has suffered that fate, or you may even have waited by the phone for "the call" to find out the status of your job and received good news.
Unfortunately, many of us did not receive good news on the end of that call, but it doesn't stop people from opening up their big mouths to barf heaps of advice on our well-worn shoes. To be clear, I was on the opposite side of this phenomenon a year ago when one of my best friends and coworkers was laid off from our Big Pharma company. Looking back I remember trying to maintain our relationship by calling her daily and attempting to keep her up to date on the craziness she no longer had to deal with. Did she care? No. Was I able to understand that? Nope.
Now that I'm on the receiving end of these phone calls, I realize how incredibly stupid these conversations can be. There is absolutely no way for someone else to know how hard it is to lose my job... yet at the same time I have these moments of sanity where I can look back and actually be glad for the lay-off. Still, no level of sanity and understanding makes me ready to accept that phone call when you're complaining about how frustrating that same job is. Thanks, but sitting at home, eating Ben & Jerrys by the pint, and scouring the internet while desperately seeking a job doesn't exactly put me in the position to feel bad for you and your job woes.
So today this jerky guy came to take away my company car. In the process of finalizing the paperwork, he attempted to "encourage" me with tales of all the other reps whose cars he's taken... and the fabulous new jobs they have. Dude, you just confirmed I don't even have another car as a backup and you have the nerve to tell me those stories? Not. Helping.
Going back to my friend who was laid off last summer... Now that I'm on the receiving end of this, I know I made some monumental blunders in how I dealt with that challenging situation. Thankfully, we're still as close as ever, but I think that's largely due to her ability to forgive the multiple times I unknowingly put my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth. (Yes, that's a line from Friends.) For that I'm grateful. And I'll be forgiving of the stupid stuff other well-intentioned people say to me, but there are some comments that just must not be repeated.
So, in light of that I've decided to create a list of THINGS I DON'T NEED while looking for a job. And yes, these have ALL happened to me, most have happened more than once, and in amazing displays of thoughtlessness many of these have been combined single conversations resembling a Blazing Tour of Impudence.
1. Don't call me to complain about your new territory. Especially if said territory consists of MY OLD TERRITORY that you took over when I was laid off.
2. Don't complain about your company car. Don't do it. Just shut up.
3. If I wanted to watch the evening news and hear stories about the thousands of people out of a job, I would do it on my own. It's not helpful for you to call me from your company car, on your company phone, say "I understand what you're going through" and clarify that your genius understanding comes from a nightly news special. You do NOT understand and that is Not. Helping.
4. "I'm praying for you." Don't say it unless you really are. Otherwise it's just an empty platitude. I believe in prayer as much as - if not more than - any other person, but don't say it if you don't mean it and aren't really going to do it.
5. "Wow, it must be nice to have all that free time." It would be nicer to have a job, thanks. And if you're so jonesin' for free time, take some vacation.
6. "Sometimes I wish they'd laid me off, too." Why would you even say that to me? Yeah, collecting severance is nice, but you do realize that ends at some point, right? Then what? If you know of some other super-fantastic job out there, share it with ME. You know, the one who actually NEEDS a job!
7. Laid off or Fired? Someone posted this to my Facebook wall, and while no one has directly asked me that question, I completely understand the sentiment. I am very quick to explain to new folks that I was laid off before they could even wonder if the other were true.
8. "The grass is always greener!" "Where there's a will, there's a way!" Gee, thanks for the practical advice and astounding show of moral support. What do these things even mean?!
9. "So have you found something else yet?" Don't you think I might have mentioned that? I'm not one of those strange people who hangs on to good news until the last possible second. If I found a job I'd probably be doing it... not updating my facebook status 17 times a day.
I'm sure there are more that could be added to this list. In fact, I'm positive in the next three days some well-meaning soul will make the dumbest comment I've heard yet. But for now, there's the list.
So what can you do when a friend or family member loses their job? Be supportive! Understand that they're suffering a kind of loss. It's not a death - I realize that! - but there are some similarities to how it's handled. Such as, a time of anger, a time of denial, a time of stunned silence. There are stages to the grief of job loss just as there are stages to losing a loved one. And sometimes, whether or not you loved the job has nothing to do with it. It's just a painful mess, truly.
Unfortunately, many of us did not receive good news on the end of that call, but it doesn't stop people from opening up their big mouths to barf heaps of advice on our well-worn shoes. To be clear, I was on the opposite side of this phenomenon a year ago when one of my best friends and coworkers was laid off from our Big Pharma company. Looking back I remember trying to maintain our relationship by calling her daily and attempting to keep her up to date on the craziness she no longer had to deal with. Did she care? No. Was I able to understand that? Nope.
Now that I'm on the receiving end of these phone calls, I realize how incredibly stupid these conversations can be. There is absolutely no way for someone else to know how hard it is to lose my job... yet at the same time I have these moments of sanity where I can look back and actually be glad for the lay-off. Still, no level of sanity and understanding makes me ready to accept that phone call when you're complaining about how frustrating that same job is. Thanks, but sitting at home, eating Ben & Jerrys by the pint, and scouring the internet while desperately seeking a job doesn't exactly put me in the position to feel bad for you and your job woes.
So today this jerky guy came to take away my company car. In the process of finalizing the paperwork, he attempted to "encourage" me with tales of all the other reps whose cars he's taken... and the fabulous new jobs they have. Dude, you just confirmed I don't even have another car as a backup and you have the nerve to tell me those stories? Not. Helping.
Going back to my friend who was laid off last summer... Now that I'm on the receiving end of this, I know I made some monumental blunders in how I dealt with that challenging situation. Thankfully, we're still as close as ever, but I think that's largely due to her ability to forgive the multiple times I unknowingly put my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth. (Yes, that's a line from Friends.) For that I'm grateful. And I'll be forgiving of the stupid stuff other well-intentioned people say to me, but there are some comments that just must not be repeated.
So, in light of that I've decided to create a list of THINGS I DON'T NEED while looking for a job. And yes, these have ALL happened to me, most have happened more than once, and in amazing displays of thoughtlessness many of these have been combined single conversations resembling a Blazing Tour of Impudence.
1. Don't call me to complain about your new territory. Especially if said territory consists of MY OLD TERRITORY that you took over when I was laid off.
2. Don't complain about your company car. Don't do it. Just shut up.
3. If I wanted to watch the evening news and hear stories about the thousands of people out of a job, I would do it on my own. It's not helpful for you to call me from your company car, on your company phone, say "I understand what you're going through" and clarify that your genius understanding comes from a nightly news special. You do NOT understand and that is Not. Helping.
4. "I'm praying for you." Don't say it unless you really are. Otherwise it's just an empty platitude. I believe in prayer as much as - if not more than - any other person, but don't say it if you don't mean it and aren't really going to do it.
5. "Wow, it must be nice to have all that free time." It would be nicer to have a job, thanks. And if you're so jonesin' for free time, take some vacation.
6. "Sometimes I wish they'd laid me off, too." Why would you even say that to me? Yeah, collecting severance is nice, but you do realize that ends at some point, right? Then what? If you know of some other super-fantastic job out there, share it with ME. You know, the one who actually NEEDS a job!
7. Laid off or Fired? Someone posted this to my Facebook wall, and while no one has directly asked me that question, I completely understand the sentiment. I am very quick to explain to new folks that I was laid off before they could even wonder if the other were true.
8. "The grass is always greener!" "Where there's a will, there's a way!" Gee, thanks for the practical advice and astounding show of moral support. What do these things even mean?!
9. "So have you found something else yet?" Don't you think I might have mentioned that? I'm not one of those strange people who hangs on to good news until the last possible second. If I found a job I'd probably be doing it... not updating my facebook status 17 times a day.
I'm sure there are more that could be added to this list. In fact, I'm positive in the next three days some well-meaning soul will make the dumbest comment I've heard yet. But for now, there's the list.
So what can you do when a friend or family member loses their job? Be supportive! Understand that they're suffering a kind of loss. It's not a death - I realize that! - but there are some similarities to how it's handled. Such as, a time of anger, a time of denial, a time of stunned silence. There are stages to the grief of job loss just as there are stages to losing a loved one. And sometimes, whether or not you loved the job has nothing to do with it. It's just a painful mess, truly.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Babies
So I'm in Birmingham and just left the hospital where my best and longest friend, Robin Bobo Redding, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
I can't figure out their computer or I'd post some pictures... that will have to wait.
What a beautiful picture of life, though. Robin and I met when we were babies ourselves, and here we are nearly 29 years later, and she has a child of her own. I'm so grateful for those friendships that truly last a lifetime. I don't have many of those, as I would imagine not many people are blessed with more than one or two.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Psalm 139: 13-17
I can't figure out their computer or I'd post some pictures... that will have to wait.
What a beautiful picture of life, though. Robin and I met when we were babies ourselves, and here we are nearly 29 years later, and she has a child of her own. I'm so grateful for those friendships that truly last a lifetime. I don't have many of those, as I would imagine not many people are blessed with more than one or two.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Psalm 139: 13-17
Will I or Won't I?
Will. It's a tough thing to get into any discussion about God's Will. But I'm faced with it head-on and I can't seem to shake the knowledge that He's up to something and I'm just floundering around.
So, almost 4 weeks ago I was laid off. I had been hearing rumors that some changes were coming, but I don't think any of us had any idea how big it was going to be. J&J laid off 1000 people from their pharmaceutical divisions. Seeing as I've only been with the company for 6 months, it makes sense that I got the axe. Well, it makes sense, but that doesn't make it not hurt.
Just six months prior I made the decision to leave a 5-year career at Merck for the offer at J&J. I remember at the time not having a clear instinct on what God wanted me to do. Staying with Merck provided stability but the offer to move provided a generous pay increase and a much smaller (and closer to Knoxville) territory. I prayed a ton about it and never felt like God was sending me in any specific direction. So... I made a decision. It was one of those "well, He gives us a brain, right?" moments, and I figured I'd just use my brain.
So looking back, was that the right decision? I don't know. I mean, it stinks to be laid off. But I wasn't too crazy about my old territory with Merck, and not driving 2 hours to the ends of the earth was a great change of pace for the last few months. And... God's really been doing a work in my heart since I took the job at J&J. Which is kinda where I was headed with this (already long) post anyway!
So sometime around January I felt a nudging in my spirit that I was totally unable to ignore. I went to training with the new position and had a blast helping out some of my fellow newbies. While there, the trainers commented that I was a good teacher and should consider returning to the training department to further my career at some point. I had no interest in doing that, but the idea of it awoke a longing in my heart that had long since been put to rest... to be a teacher! God quickly fanned the flames of that long-ago idea, and over the last few months I've felt a direct calling from Him to look into the teaching profession.
So bringing that forward to the recent layoff, I had already been praying that God would give me some clear definition of what He had for my future. I specifically prayed that he would open and close doors clearly for me. I didn't want a repeat of my job change in the fall, where I was uncertain of His Will. So I prayed that if He wanted me to teach that I would know it for. sure. And... then I lost my job.
Which, as many people pointed out to me, was kinda exactly what I had been asking for! It didn't make it less painful (seriously, it ain't fun to lose your job. ever!), but I did feel like God was stirring some stuff together. Then within two days I got a phone call and was asked to interview for another pharmaceutical job.
What now? That was confusing! So, does God want me to turn down this opportunity or look into it? Part of the "gonna be a teacher" plan requires me to go back to school and get licensed... which costs money... so was God providing this job to help me pay for that schooling?
Thoroughly confused, I followed through and applied for the job. Truly, I think I've been scared about this whole process. It's crazy to think of leaving a job I love and have done WELL for over 5 years to go teach. We're talking about a serious cut in pay and benefits (my car! I'll loose my car!) and a huge life adjustment. BUT I also have great peace when I consider what the future may look like.
So anyway, I followed through on the job offer. NAILED the first interview, kicked serious butt on the second interview... and all along I'm just crying out to the Lord... Either give me this wonderful job, or shut this door! Completely! Firmly! Totally! Let there be no questions about Your Will for my life!
So yesterday was "the day" - either I was going to get a phone call that said I had a job, or I would hear nothing at all (how harsh is that? No rejection phone call!). And... I heard nothing. So. God has shut that door. I grieved a little bit last night, not over the job loss, but just understanding that being in His Will sometimes hurts. That manager rejected me, but the Lord of the universe loves me and is protecting my heart. He's doing a good thing for me. It may not feel good to me right now, but He's protecting me.
I read a quote in a book a few days ago that jumped off the page and smacked me in the eyes.
"God's love for and protection of us are always consistent with His will for us - and His will for us is always consistent with what is best, not only for us, but also for a fallen world that He is always trying to rescue." - Craig Parshall
Oh yes, God is good.
And I'm gonna be a teacher!!
So, almost 4 weeks ago I was laid off. I had been hearing rumors that some changes were coming, but I don't think any of us had any idea how big it was going to be. J&J laid off 1000 people from their pharmaceutical divisions. Seeing as I've only been with the company for 6 months, it makes sense that I got the axe. Well, it makes sense, but that doesn't make it not hurt.
Just six months prior I made the decision to leave a 5-year career at Merck for the offer at J&J. I remember at the time not having a clear instinct on what God wanted me to do. Staying with Merck provided stability but the offer to move provided a generous pay increase and a much smaller (and closer to Knoxville) territory. I prayed a ton about it and never felt like God was sending me in any specific direction. So... I made a decision. It was one of those "well, He gives us a brain, right?" moments, and I figured I'd just use my brain.
So looking back, was that the right decision? I don't know. I mean, it stinks to be laid off. But I wasn't too crazy about my old territory with Merck, and not driving 2 hours to the ends of the earth was a great change of pace for the last few months. And... God's really been doing a work in my heart since I took the job at J&J. Which is kinda where I was headed with this (already long) post anyway!
So sometime around January I felt a nudging in my spirit that I was totally unable to ignore. I went to training with the new position and had a blast helping out some of my fellow newbies. While there, the trainers commented that I was a good teacher and should consider returning to the training department to further my career at some point. I had no interest in doing that, but the idea of it awoke a longing in my heart that had long since been put to rest... to be a teacher! God quickly fanned the flames of that long-ago idea, and over the last few months I've felt a direct calling from Him to look into the teaching profession.
So bringing that forward to the recent layoff, I had already been praying that God would give me some clear definition of what He had for my future. I specifically prayed that he would open and close doors clearly for me. I didn't want a repeat of my job change in the fall, where I was uncertain of His Will. So I prayed that if He wanted me to teach that I would know it for. sure. And... then I lost my job.
Which, as many people pointed out to me, was kinda exactly what I had been asking for! It didn't make it less painful (seriously, it ain't fun to lose your job. ever!), but I did feel like God was stirring some stuff together. Then within two days I got a phone call and was asked to interview for another pharmaceutical job.
What now? That was confusing! So, does God want me to turn down this opportunity or look into it? Part of the "gonna be a teacher" plan requires me to go back to school and get licensed... which costs money... so was God providing this job to help me pay for that schooling?
Thoroughly confused, I followed through and applied for the job. Truly, I think I've been scared about this whole process. It's crazy to think of leaving a job I love and have done WELL for over 5 years to go teach. We're talking about a serious cut in pay and benefits (my car! I'll loose my car!) and a huge life adjustment. BUT I also have great peace when I consider what the future may look like.
So anyway, I followed through on the job offer. NAILED the first interview, kicked serious butt on the second interview... and all along I'm just crying out to the Lord... Either give me this wonderful job, or shut this door! Completely! Firmly! Totally! Let there be no questions about Your Will for my life!
So yesterday was "the day" - either I was going to get a phone call that said I had a job, or I would hear nothing at all (how harsh is that? No rejection phone call!). And... I heard nothing. So. God has shut that door. I grieved a little bit last night, not over the job loss, but just understanding that being in His Will sometimes hurts. That manager rejected me, but the Lord of the universe loves me and is protecting my heart. He's doing a good thing for me. It may not feel good to me right now, but He's protecting me.
I read a quote in a book a few days ago that jumped off the page and smacked me in the eyes.
"God's love for and protection of us are always consistent with His will for us - and His will for us is always consistent with what is best, not only for us, but also for a fallen world that He is always trying to rescue." - Craig Parshall
Oh yes, God is good.
And I'm gonna be a teacher!!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Don't Do It
This is a great video a friend posted to his blog. Please watch it through. This won't let you down, especially if you need a laugh. Wives, feel free to pass this along to your husbands! :)
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