Things I Don't Need... Thanks.

Losing your job is such a weird place to be. And right now, it's not a terribly unique place to be. After all, those of us who have been laid off are counted by the thousands and reported on the evening news daily. Every one of you has been touched by the unemployment crisis this year, either having been laid off yourselves, knowing a close friend or family member who has suffered that fate, or you may even have waited by the phone for "the call" to find out the status of your job and received good news.

Unfortunately, many of us did not receive good news on the end of that call, but it doesn't stop people from opening up their big mouths to barf heaps of advice on our well-worn shoes. To be clear, I was on the opposite side of this phenomenon a year ago when one of my best friends and coworkers was laid off from our Big Pharma company. Looking back I remember trying to maintain our relationship by calling her daily and attempting to keep her up to date on the craziness she no longer had to deal with. Did she care? No. Was I able to understand that? Nope.

Now that I'm on the receiving end of these phone calls, I realize how incredibly stupid these conversations can be. There is absolutely no way for someone else to know how hard it is to lose my job... yet at the same time I have these moments of sanity where I can look back and actually be glad for the lay-off. Still, no level of sanity and understanding makes me ready to accept that phone call when you're complaining about how frustrating that same job is. Thanks, but sitting at home, eating Ben & Jerrys by the pint, and scouring the internet while desperately seeking a job doesn't exactly put me in the position to feel bad for you and your job woes.

So today this jerky guy came to take away my company car. In the process of finalizing the paperwork, he attempted to "encourage" me with tales of all the other reps whose cars he's taken... and the fabulous new jobs they have. Dude, you just confirmed I don't even have another car as a backup and you have the nerve to tell me those stories? Not. Helping.

Going back to my friend who was laid off last summer... Now that I'm on the receiving end of this, I know I made some monumental blunders in how I dealt with that challenging situation. Thankfully, we're still as close as ever, but I think that's largely due to her ability to forgive the multiple times I unknowingly put my exceptionally large feet into my even bigger mouth. (Yes, that's a line from Friends.) For that I'm grateful. And I'll be forgiving of the stupid stuff other well-intentioned people say to me, but there are some comments that just must not be repeated.

So, in light of that I've decided to create a list of THINGS I DON'T NEED while looking for a job. And yes, these have ALL happened to me, most have happened more than once, and in amazing displays of thoughtlessness many of these have been combined single conversations resembling a Blazing Tour of Impudence.

1. Don't call me to complain about your new territory. Especially if said territory consists of MY OLD TERRITORY that you took over when I was laid off.

2. Don't complain about your company car. Don't do it. Just shut up.

3. If I wanted to watch the evening news and hear stories about the thousands of people out of a job, I would do it on my own. It's not helpful for you to call me from your company car, on your company phone, say "I understand what you're going through" and clarify that your genius understanding comes from a nightly news special. You do NOT understand and that is Not. Helping.

4. "I'm praying for you." Don't say it unless you really are. Otherwise it's just an empty platitude. I believe in prayer as much as - if not more than - any other person, but don't say it if you don't mean it and aren't really going to do it.

5. "Wow, it must be nice to have all that free time." It would be nicer to have a job, thanks. And if you're so jonesin' for free time, take some vacation.

6. "Sometimes I wish they'd laid me off, too." Why would you even say that to me? Yeah, collecting severance is nice, but you do realize that ends at some point, right? Then what? If you know of some other super-fantastic job out there, share it with ME. You know, the one who actually NEEDS a job!

7. Laid off or Fired? Someone posted this to my Facebook wall, and while no one has directly asked me that question, I completely understand the sentiment. I am very quick to explain to new folks that I was laid off before they could even wonder if the other were true.

8. "The grass is always greener!" "Where there's a will, there's a way!" Gee, thanks for the practical advice and astounding show of moral support. What do these things even mean?!

9. "So have you found something else yet?" Don't you think I might have mentioned that? I'm not one of those strange people who hangs on to good news until the last possible second. If I found a job I'd probably be doing it... not updating my facebook status 17 times a day.

I'm sure there are more that could be added to this list. In fact, I'm positive in the next three days some well-meaning soul will make the dumbest comment I've heard yet. But for now, there's the list.

So what can you do when a friend or family member loses their job? Be supportive! Understand that they're suffering a kind of loss. It's not a death - I realize that! - but there are some similarities to how it's handled. Such as, a time of anger, a time of denial, a time of stunned silence. There are stages to the grief of job loss just as there are stages to losing a loved one. And sometimes, whether or not you loved the job has nothing to do with it. It's just a painful mess, truly.

Babies

So I'm in Birmingham and just left the hospital where my best and longest friend, Robin Bobo Redding, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

I can't figure out their computer or I'd post some pictures... that will have to wait.

What a beautiful picture of life, though. Robin and I met when we were babies ourselves, and here we are nearly 29 years later, and she has a child of her own. I'm so grateful for those friendships that truly last a lifetime. I don't have many of those, as I would imagine not many people are blessed with more than one or two.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Psalm 139: 13-17

Will I or Won't I?

Will. It's a tough thing to get into any discussion about God's Will. But I'm faced with it head-on and I can't seem to shake the knowledge that He's up to something and I'm just floundering around.

So, almost 4 weeks ago I was laid off. I had been hearing rumors that some changes were coming, but I don't think any of us had any idea how big it was going to be. J&J laid off 1000 people from their pharmaceutical divisions. Seeing as I've only been with the company for 6 months, it makes sense that I got the axe. Well, it makes sense, but that doesn't make it not hurt.

Just six months prior I made the decision to leave a 5-year career at Merck for the offer at J&J. I remember at the time not having a clear instinct on what God wanted me to do. Staying with Merck provided stability but the offer to move provided a generous pay increase and a much smaller (and closer to Knoxville) territory. I prayed a ton about it and never felt like God was sending me in any specific direction. So... I made a decision. It was one of those "well, He gives us a brain, right?" moments, and I figured I'd just use my brain.

So looking back, was that the right decision? I don't know. I mean, it stinks to be laid off. But I wasn't too crazy about my old territory with Merck, and not driving 2 hours to the ends of the earth was a great change of pace for the last few months. And... God's really been doing a work in my heart since I took the job at J&J. Which is kinda where I was headed with this (already long) post anyway!

So sometime around January I felt a nudging in my spirit that I was totally unable to ignore. I went to training with the new position and had a blast helping out some of my fellow newbies. While there, the trainers commented that I was a good teacher and should consider returning to the training department to further my career at some point. I had no interest in doing that, but the idea of it awoke a longing in my heart that had long since been put to rest... to be a teacher! God quickly fanned the flames of that long-ago idea, and over the last few months I've felt a direct calling from Him to look into the teaching profession.

So bringing that forward to the recent layoff, I had already been praying that God would give me some clear definition of what He had for my future. I specifically prayed that he would open and close doors clearly for me. I didn't want a repeat of my job change in the fall, where I was uncertain of His Will. So I prayed that if He wanted me to teach that I would know it for. sure. And... then I lost my job.

Which, as many people pointed out to me, was kinda exactly what I had been asking for! It didn't make it less painful (seriously, it ain't fun to lose your job. ever!), but I did feel like God was stirring some stuff together. Then within two days I got a phone call and was asked to interview for another pharmaceutical job.

What now? That was confusing! So, does God want me to turn down this opportunity or look into it? Part of the "gonna be a teacher" plan requires me to go back to school and get licensed... which costs money... so was God providing this job to help me pay for that schooling?

Thoroughly confused, I followed through and applied for the job. Truly, I think I've been scared about this whole process. It's crazy to think of leaving a job I love and have done WELL for over 5 years to go teach. We're talking about a serious cut in pay and benefits (my car! I'll loose my car!) and a huge life adjustment. BUT I also have great peace when I consider what the future may look like.

So anyway, I followed through on the job offer. NAILED the first interview, kicked serious butt on the second interview... and all along I'm just crying out to the Lord... Either give me this wonderful job, or shut this door! Completely! Firmly! Totally! Let there be no questions about Your Will for my life!

So yesterday was "the day" - either I was going to get a phone call that said I had a job, or I would hear nothing at all (how harsh is that? No rejection phone call!). And... I heard nothing. So. God has shut that door. I grieved a little bit last night, not over the job loss, but just understanding that being in His Will sometimes hurts. That manager rejected me, but the Lord of the universe loves me and is protecting my heart. He's doing a good thing for me. It may not feel good to me right now, but He's protecting me.

I read a quote in a book a few days ago that jumped off the page and smacked me in the eyes.
"God's love for and protection of us are always consistent with His will for us - and His will for us is always consistent with what is best, not only for us, but also for a fallen world that He is always trying to rescue." - Craig Parshall

Oh yes, God is good.

And I'm gonna be a teacher!!

Don't Do It

This is a great video a friend posted to his blog. Please watch it through. This won't let you down, especially if you need a laugh. Wives, feel free to pass this along to your husbands! :)